This is my toxic trait!
Being a routine freak and doing certain work consistently to finish it before the deadline, but also at the same time leaving some things till the end, knowing that my pressured self can handle things better! This is freaking toxic.
It’s like I have this split personality when it comes to work. On one hand, I’m super organized. I have my planner, my to-do lists, my color-coded calendar—everything is in its place. I start some tasks well in advance, making sure every detail is perfect. I like the feeling of crossing things off my list, knowing I’ve done them ahead of time. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and control.
But then there’s the other toxic side of me, the side that thrives under pressure. For some reason, I leave certain tasks until the very last minute. It’s not that I forget about them; it’s more like I deliberately push them to the end. Maybe it’s because I believe I work better under stress that the adrenaline helps me focus and be more productive. And, weirdly enough, it usually works. I manage to pull off what I need to do, sometimes even doing a better job than if I had started earlier.
However, I know this habit is toxic. It creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. Even though I manage to get things done, the last-minute rush takes a toll on my mental health. The constant back-and-forth between being ahead of the game and racing against the clock is exhausting. It’s like living in a constant state of chaos, even if that chaos is controlled to some extent.
I’ve tried to understand why I do this. Maybe it’s because I get bored with routine and need that last-minute rush to feel alive. Or perhaps it’s a fear of failure, thinking that if I start too early, I might not do it right, so I delay to avoid facing that fear. It’s a strange paradox where my desire for control and my tendency to procrastinate coexist.
This toxic dual nature is something I really need to work on. I know that consistently leaving things until the last minute isn’t sustainable. It’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to myself or to others who might be depending on me. I’ve started trying to find a balance. For example, breaking tasks into smaller parts and setting mini-deadlines for each part helps. It gives me the structure I crave without the overwhelming last-minute crunch.
Another thing I’m working on is being kinder to myself. Recognizing that it’s okay to not be perfect and that I don’t have to rely on stress to get things done. Giving myself permission to make mistakes and learn from them rather than expecting everything to be flawless. It’s a work in progress, and I’m learning every day. In the end, I want to be someone who can handle tasks calmly and efficiently without the need for a last-minute rush!
Until next time, Adios amigo!
This is one of my negative toxic traits. I also am obsessed with some other things, out of which mobile games are at the top of the list. You can read about this obsession of mine HERE!
