Kacchi doriyon, doriyon, doriyon se
Mainu tu baandh le
Pakki yaariyon, yaariyon, yaariyon mein
Honde na faasley
Eh naraazgi kaagzi saari teri
Atif Aslam (Song: Dil Diyan Gallan)
This blog is probably gonna be a pain in the a**, but I need to get it out of my system. It is going to be a deep blog, so be ready for a lot of introspection and pep talk. From living in the same area to living in different countries, there is not one dot on this spectrum that I haven’t covered. I have lost every good friend to distance. And not just good friends, this spell is cast on my BEST friends.
Storytime
In the 2nd grade my best friend had to change states because her family was moving. The 6th grade wasn’t any different. In the 9th grade, my BEST FRIEND (IN CAPS because we had been together since kindergarten) had to leave school because her parents wanted her to go to the same school as her sister. Even in college, I spent 3 beautiful years with a friend and now we haven’t talked in 1.5 years. In my masters I made an amazing friend, who shifted to the UK for higher studies (this is the distance I can’t even cover). And recently another friend just shifted to Canada. I can’t understand if I am in the wrong place or do people just love to travel (laughing emojis)!
That’s how much I would have to travel to meet my friends! Sorry I am not a traveller.
So to my next best friend you know my scarred history now, act accordingly (laughing emojis). Hey, don’t give me those puppy dog eyes as if you pity me (smirk emoji). You know, after so many experiences and the same consequences one after the other, I’m kinda immune to it. I have learnt to cherish the friendship till it lasts. But I tend to hold on to people tightly. Tight enough that I don’t choke them and they don’t run away, (metaphorically speaking OFC, smirk emoji).
Maybe that’s why I fear detachment so much. Don’t get me wrong, I want the best for these people, but it just hurts to see them go. This is because deep down I know, if they are far away, the only possibility of us being friends is lost. Maybe that’s why I tear up every time I think about the good times we had. Maybe that’s why the concept of death scares me the most. Isn’t it scary how in a snap, people leave. Sometimes it ends gracefully and sometimes it hurts the shit out of you. Either way, I haven’t learnt to deal with it yet. They say if you love someone, learn to let them go (I know it’s a bit dramatic in the case of your friends, but roll with it for the blog).
The only scene from the 4 seasons of depression that stayed with me!
It’s funny how when people are around us we don’t bother to connect and suddenly when the distance becomes impossible to cover, we regret. We regret not making the first move, we regret not spending more time together, we regret not meeting them in person for the last time, we regret not saying our probably last goodbyes. It’s funny how some friends who are miles away from you make you tear up even when you glance at a photo of them and some friends who you share amazing memories with, who live closer to you, mean nothing. But this is life, is what we have been told. Difficult, unfair, 70% compromise but beautiful (crying emoji).
I am going to spill some tea about myself now. My existing friends, please don’t leave me, I am just trying to be self aware (laughing emojis). My friendships have only lasted for periods of time. Like I lost touch with my school friends after school ended, I lost touch with my college friends after college ended and now I talk less with my post-grad friend too! Am I the only one who can see the pattern here?
I don’t know if they’re the problem or I am. Yes people are different and not everyone’s the same. But I tend to distance myself from people in a hope to meet new and better (closer to my aligned self) people. My brain thinks that now that this chapter of life is over, let’s move on. Move on from the degree, from the people you met then and search for new connections. But one thing I can say for sure is that each and every moment that I have spent with all my then “best friends”, I have lived it with all my heart. I am grateful to each one of them for making my life worth living and wish them the best.
Sooner or later I will have to accept that no matter the distance, friendships can last forever. But you tell me, doesn’t it hurt sometimes, that people who were so freaking close to us once, don’t mean anything to us now? Is it just me or you too feel the pain about the fact that every person can’t be a part of every phase of our lives?
I paid you by taking care of you on your drunk days (laughing emojis)
If we keep our egos aside, for just one moment and catch up with our long lost loved ones. Maybe, just maybe, we can create another memorable day with them. It’s a request, after reading this blog (because you can’t betray me), hit them up (contact them is what I mean). Yup, the people that crossed your mind while you were reading this. The people you know deserve a meet up (DISCLAIMER: This list SHOULD NOT include your toxic ex or toxic friends who took away your happiness. Let those bitches burn). The people who gave you moments that you are going to cherish for the rest of your life. Don’t leave any regrets. We have one life, just one. Make it count.
Meanwhile I’ll be here preparing a list of people I had promised to meet but didn’t. I hope they understand that I lack social energy and also require permission from my parents (laughing emojis). Just so you know, I can’t meet my friends more than once a week (just Indian things).
Journal time: Today I want you to take out time and think about the amazing memories you have had with your friends. Be grateful for those experiences. If you are lucky enough to have a lifelong friend, exactly at this moment- APPRECIATE the f**k out of them!
And as for us, no matter the distance we can always be friends right (cute sobbing face emoji)? You wanna know about my ex best friends in details? Here you go- Me and My… Ex best Friends.
Until next time, Adios Amigos.
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