I wish I knew then, what I know now
Wouldn’t dive in, wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts, you made it so sweet
‘Til I woke up on, on the concreteKaty Perry (Song: Wide Awake)
Ok, finally a spicy topic of my life. First of all, you can’t judge me for any of this because I was an innocent 8th grader when this happened (laughing emojis). Second of all it was my first time sharing space with guys because I was in a girls school. A teenager is bound to have a crush on someone. I know many of you will relate when I tell you that it all started in a summer camp. Get your popcorn and drinks, coz this is gonna be a long one. Enjoy!
When I was in 8th grade, my parents enrolled me in a dance class at the summer camp in my cousin’s school. Now details are very important in this story so pay attention. My elder cousin sister, my younger cousin brother and I enrolled in this camp. I remember I used to go in harem pants, a long top, a side sling bag and canvas shoes (quite the 2000’s look).
I just didn’t look this cool, but this is almost exactly what I wore everyday!
On the first day when all the students gathered in the hall, we were divided in two groups. As we were separating into the two groups, we heard someone enter the hall. The whole class turned and glanced at the two brothers entering the hall. We got to know about their age later on when the word spread in the class. The elder one was shorter in height with a dusky complexion and was wearing loose clothes. We will call him R. The younger brother was tall, fair and wore fitted clothes and we will call him S.
I didn’t realize that I was into older guys until that moment. I was instantly attracted to R but that day, S was a part of my team. Soon enough we were told that R was a trained dancer. And to be honest it showed (laughing emojis). One day our teacher gave us a challenge to hold the ‘chakrasana’ for as the long as we could. I thought to myself, this was the moment for me to shine in front of my crush. As we started to do the chakrasana, I held that posture with all my strength.
Every moment in which I was about to fall down, I reminded myself that I have to hold this posture to impress R (laughing emojis). After 2-3 minutes, the entire class had given up. Just as I was about to fall down, sir called out two names. It was me and one other girl who had made it through. This task was actually a selection round for our main dance event at an auditorium. And I made it through (star eye emoji). That moment felt ethereal for two reasons. One, I was proud of myself for holding that pose longer than the other students and second, it could get me attention from my crush. But unfortunately it didn’t.
I held this pose for at least 2-3 minutes and he didn’t look at me even for a second. What a shame (single line smile emoji)
As days passed, my infatuation towards R increased and he hadn’t shown interest even once. After patiently waiting for attention, I gathered courage to approach him. But because of my lack of experience I didn’t know how to. So I committed a mistake here. I asked my younger brother to go and tell R that I liked him. I also told him to a point finger at me so that R knew who sent him.
He went and did what I said but I was naïve and had expected R to come running towards me so that we could talk. But you can guess what would have happened. Yup, he looked at me, then looked at his brother S, he mocked my gesture and they went away. Quite the humiliation right? Not for me (laughing emojis).
Now my younger brother knew that I liked him, so he teased me all the time. Once at a gathering I was scared to leave him alone with the parents. I was afraid he would say “Nayan didi told me to tell bhaiya that she likes him”. Thankfully that didn’t happen. But I didn’t know that a bigger scene was about to take place, which would almost ruin my entire life.
The look my brother gave me all the time he was blackmailing me!
I was persistent to talk to R, because talking to a guy who was 4 years older than me didn’t seem fishy at that time. Somehow I got his number. Now this was 2012 and we didn’t have touch screen phones then. I used my mom’s keypad phone to call my friends whenever necessary. Yes, you heard it right, I have had phone curfew all my life! I got R’s number and I texted him something like this “Hi R, Nayan this side. We go to the same dance class and I really like your dance.”
I managed to keep the phone with me till the afternoon. I didn’t get a reply till 5PM, so I sent him that same message again. The desperation was real (laughing emojis). Around 8PM I was coming back from the temple with my mom and she had the phone in her hand. As we were walking, the phone rang and my mom picked it up. The person on the line said and I vividly remember “Hello aunty, can I talk to Nayan.” My mom said “Who is this?” He replied “I am R and Nayan sent me a message this morning.” My mom said “ Beta she is not with me right now” and she cut the call.
Sneaky kids like me have full proof plans, so I had already deleted those messages. But I was caught red handed so I couldn’t lie. I told my mom that I had texted him but please don’t tell dad. I knew my parents were not the people who would take this well, especially my dad. My mom was adamant and as soon as we reached home, she told my dad everything. As I expected my dad scolded with taunts and dialogues that still give me nightmares. I knew having a crush was not allowed in my house but I didn’t know that would turn into character assassination.
This was literally me, hiding from my parents!
And this event is as fresh as a flower in my dad’s mind till date. Coz I still get to hear the classics “I will never forget how you let us down. You have disrespected us. You have always been too eager to talk to boys. We know you are a desperate girl from a girls school”. I somehow survived that day, not knowing that things would get even worse.
My mom is a teacher so she also gets the summer vacations off. The school my mom teaches in doesn’t have a very good reputation and is known to have notorious students. So she is used to kids going through this lovey-dovey crush phase. But she couldn’t digest the fact that “her daughter could do something like this” (tbh that was just the start, (laughing emojis )).
The next morning after the tragic evening, my mom gets a text on her phone. I don’t remember the entire text but it started with “Hi, Good morning beautiful”. This text took my mom’s panic to another level. She doubted that I had texted R again. But poor me had cried the entire night and had swollen eyes since the moment I woke up. So she ruled out that option. Later that day my aunt (my mom’s sister) came to my place. My mom is very close to her so she “spilled the tea” about everything. My mom hadn’t deleted the message R had sent so she showed it to my aunt. After contemplating what to do in this “serious” situation they decided to call R.
You will laugh when you hear what they said. My mom called and R picked up. She said “I have received messages from this number. Were you sending all this crap?” Of course R refused. He said, “Aunty, I didn’t send anything.” My mom replied, “Beta, my husband is a Police officer and if you try to call or text on this number again, you can imagine what will happen to you.” The call disconnected instantly. Imagine the trauma caused to a boy in 12th grade because of this (laughing emojis).
Of course this traumatized me, so I didn’t feel like having a crush on anyone for the rest of my school life (not that I had the chance either (laughing emojis))
I am so thankful that I had the brains to do all this after our dance class had ended, coz imagine facing him after all this. That was quite a ride! No wonder I remember it till date.
Lessons learnt from this story are as follows: 1) If people older than you send you creepy messages, let your parents know! Coz they can definitely threaten the shit out of them. 2) Be more careful with your sneaky acts, coz God is in favor of Indian parents. No matter what you do, THEY WILL FIND OUT THE TRUTH (trust me, speaking from pretty bad personal experiences (laughing emojis)). 3) On a serious note, Don’t take rejection from your crush seriously, because a day will come when you will be laughing about it. 4) Don’t forget to read all my blogs, because I love to bring you along my journey (kiss emojis).
Journal Time: I want you to write about all the people whom you have had a crush on and the feelings associated with those experiences. Like if you faced a rejection, how did you feel about it or if they felt the same as you, how did things go. Dig deep because oftentimes these small incidents help you identify your personality and your behavior in relationships. Also if you reallyyy consider me as your bestie, I want to know about your first crush in the comments. Don’t keep me waiting for long!
After this you might like reading Part-1 and Part-2 of my Life as an Indian Daughter!
Until next time, Adios Amigos.
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