Little voices in my head
Secret keeping, stop the bleeding
Lost a little weight because I wasn’t eating
All the songs that I can’t listen to, to tell the truth
Camila Cabello (Song: Consequences)
Fear…of being better or equal to someone and confidence issues.
Storytime
So yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine. He had recently cleared an interview and got a rank 10 in a national exam. He now is in a government institute for his Masters and PhD. Yep it is as haunting as it sounds. Honestly from the bottom of my heart I am super happy for him. He has always worked for it and definitely deserves it.
So much so that if I would have gotten that place, I would have handed it over to him (I would have definitely gotten it by mistake, laughing emojis). He was telling me about his college and all the procedures that they would be following. One thing he mentioned stuck to me. He said “Nayan in our college every six students have a mentor.” And my energy when down the slide! The disappointment and fear that I couldn’t get into a government college and that I wasn’t good enough, was waving a hi! to me in my face. The fear that I am in the same field with someone so studios and knowledgeable as he is, was making me shit my pants.
But today in the morning I got an Excel document stating that even in my college every 10 students will have a specific mentor. And damnnn, lemme tell you, your girl was happy! I mean I still am. Hopes are high again, attitude is positive and the sky is the limit. Hi five on that (hand emoji).
This incident actually made me believe that the universe is literally asking us what we want. But all we do is compliant and waste it’s time. Why not try a positive Outlook for a change. Fears can be dealt if our attitude is right! Let’s both of us (you and I) ask the universe what we exactly want in very clear words. I hope the universe is multilingual (laughing emojis).
Maybe it is…
Talking about fears, another one takes up a large space in my head. The fear of not being able to make friends at a new place. I’m sure I am not alone in this am I? Do you not feel that whenever we are about to start a new chapter in our life like a new degree or a new job we question ourselves. Will I be able to make new friends (coz my ex best friends left a void in me, sobbing emoji)? Will people accept me as I am?
Nowadays opening an Instagram account is a burden coz whatever you post, there will be that one d*ckhead (guy or girl both can be toxic) who has something negative to say. I don’t understand why some people can’t accept others just as they are. I stan every guy and girl, who against all odds, are doing what they love (fist bump). Even if there is no one Count me in. I am here to support you. Their judgement is the first reason that creates fear in us.
Imagine a world where I would Rock pink and purple hair and I wouldn’t get a bad judgement. Right! We can only imagine this. Don’t know about other countries but here in India it is difficult to be who you are. My body doesn’t like it when I have to change my environment. I am not afraid of meeting new people but I just get nervous.
WANT *goosebumps*
Raise hand (in the comments of course otherwise how will I see, smirk emoji) if you are an introverted extrovert. I’ll tell you. We are the category of people who are shy at first and probably won’t make the first move but once you come and talk to us we gon’ stick with you, like a strong adhesive (but only if we like your Vibe of course).
And this reminds me…shit! Interviews. Bro this word sends chills down my spine. I am so afraid of the scene in which five or more highly educated people will judge me for the knowledge I don’t have. If you have any tips for coping, I am all ears. Let me know…your friend needs help.
The only place where I exude confidence (laughing emojis)
Also how can I forget Stage Fright! Keep me in a room for 5 days straight but I will not step on the stage even for a minute. I don’t know how to get over this fear. I just don’t! Help your girl! And if you are one of me (laughing emojis) Welcome to the gang. Let’s skip the next event and go to Taco Bell together (heart eye emojis).
Until next time, Adiós amigos.
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