Me and My… Father’s unique Perspective (uncommon vision)

And before they open up the doors
I say I’ve never seen you cry before
You say “You’ve never looked so beautiful
You know you’ll always be my little girl”

Camila Cabello (Song: First man)

Yesterday we went out to a family dinner. I spontaneously suggested this plan with no hope of it being executed. My father agreed when I asked the first time. So my brother and I got ready and suddenly he said, “Why do you always look for reasons to go out? Haven’t you done this enough?” and I lost it there. I got furious and said, “Why did you agree to go in the first place?” He said nothing. 

When we went out with a frown on our faces and while we were driving to our location, I pretended to be asleep. My mom then asked my dad why he refused after agreeing to the plan. My dad said he wanted me to learn to cope with getting an unexpected NO at any time in the process. He wants to teach me how to deal when these situations happen. 

Of course yesterday I was all angry and fussy about the situation but today, in retrospect, it seems like a good way to teach a lesson. I would use it on my kids later in life (laughing emojis). But this got me thinking about the other lessons or rather gems that he has been sharing throughout my life. Now that I think about it, the list is long!

This is actually the REALITY!

Me choosing this career full time isn’t easy on him because of the need for survival. And my degrees in biology don’t help either. My parents haven’t forced me into doing anything that I don’t want to, but they are extremely vocal about the profession “I should have taken” (if you couldn’t guess it by now, it is software engineer).

According to him, whatever I decide to do, should match my intellect and I should give my absolute best in that task. Especially when I have chosen it against their will. I have been working hard on taking this blog to new heights (would be easier if you share this with at least your best friends (sob emojis)). I’m not sure if he notices this or not. 

The thing is that my father will never validate my brother and me for our work. For that to happen, first mom has to watch and feel that we are working our asses off, then she will tell dad that we are. My dad doesn’t believe what he hears, he only believes what he sees. So then he has to watch us work our asses off. Then one day when we are working he will come randomly and ask “Hanji, how’s it going? Is there any output” and then he smiles knowing his children are working. Not that complicated right? (laughing emojis)

Our daily routine isn’t it?

Instances like these help me get a new perspective from him. One lesson that I got, that I will remember for the rest of my life is “Aim for a life that is better than what we have given you.” This is something that will stick with me forever. This shows that our parents really want the best for us because they know what we are capable of. I said it in a previous blog and I will say it again, our parents know our capabilities more than us. So instead of ignoring what they have to say, consider it once. 

All my dad’s values and principles are based on 4 P’s- Passion, Persistence, Perseverance and Patience. He keeps on repeating them day and night. But I guess when he looks at me he doesn’t find that passion or “AAG” in me. Even in my achievements he always acts like the dad in Dangal. The father who never appreciates and hypes up the successes of his kids, making them aware that they can still do better. Basically he does a good job at keeping me grounded. 

If you have read my blogs on luxury and my alternate reality, you would know how obsessed I am with the lavish life. But when I talk to my father about this, he has a different opinion. He is the most important person in my life who shows me that ‘the normal life’ is also not bad. He shows me that being content with what you have is not wrong. Running after money and missing out on special moments with your closed ones isn’t worth it. 

I know we shouldn’t be philosophical when we don’t have money but we have to remember to not make it our ultimate aim.

When my mom had me, she wanted to take tuition for some extra income but he refused and said “money can be earned whenever you want, but the first steps that your child will take won’t come back! The first time they say mumma or papa won’t come back.” And this actually seems way more important than the overpriced handbag that every rich person has.

I learnt the value of paying attention to the family from him. Whether it be playing games after dinner or having an evening tea together, these things can’t be compensated by any amount of cash. His opinions have always prepared me for what’s to come in the real world. So now even his harshest comments seem like a mock test for what I might have to face when I deal with people later.

The best part is he is very clear about his core values, even though it might have been the reason that he lost opportunities because of it. But I get it. At least being true to himself maintained his inner peace. No matter what people say about him, he knows his duties and knows what he has to do. This is what I aspire to have. There are a lot of anger issues and childhood trauma that that generation has in them, but there is a lot to learn too.

Someone has too! Are you ready to be the one from your family?

People say I am a copy of my dad. On some days this feels like a compliment but on other days it feels like I will have to heal the trauma that is reflected on me. I want to be as righteous, punctual and clear headed as he is but a little less heartless and a little less indecisive (laughing emojis). I want to be as alert and prepared as him. He doesn’t give one f*ck about what anyone thinks of him. He cannot be influenced by anyone except his kids because of his love for us. And these are some traits I want to imbibe.

Just like everyone I am working to impress him someday. Even thinking about him appreciating my work and achievements makes me wanna cry. Damn, makes me wanna call him and tell him how much I observe and appreciate him. We might not say it, but every kid respects their dad. That is the reason why whenever we get asked about our hero in life, it’s rarely the mom. The answer is usually DAD.

(laughing emojis) This isn’t even a lie!

Even the dads don’t say it out loud but they have their ways of telling you that they love you. All we can do is appreciate every little thing that they do for us, including the lectures that we get on a daily basis. Honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better person by my side. I know you are not reading this so- Love you pops!

Journal Time: Just write your genuine feelings about your dad today. I want you to really think about the traits you have taken from him. Think about the best and worst encounters you have had with him. Each memory has a lesson and it should be our goal to learn from it. And if you keep the cringe aside, just walk up to him and hug him. And if you are daring enough, tell him that you are grateful to have him in your life and you love him to death.

Until next time, Adios Amigos.

 

 

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