Me and My… Emotional Days (being Guilty, Part-2)

Oh, everybody loves a show
Lights on, they all go home
You won’t let anybody close
That high five is all you got

Sigrid (Song: High Five)

Quick question, can the mid life crisis hit when you are 22 years old? Or does it happen when you’re 35-40 years old? Because since two days I am burdened with guilt and crying for no reason. It is confusing to understand this state of mind. The only thought in my head has been that what is the purpose of this life that I’m running after creating. Am I freaking evolving (heart eye emojis)? Bro is this the time where I break my cocoon and become a butterfly? (laughing emojis). Jokes apart though, have you also been in a time where you question what you do and why you do it?

Very difficult to avoid our parent’s plea in every decision we make, but it is a necessary skill to learn.

I’m questioning every bit of my life right now. I think that is because I am trying to be conscious about every decision I make. Maybe my mind and soul are coming together to check every action I make and see if it is actually aligned with my higher self or not. And if something isn’t aligned, they will give me a signal and I will rethink that decision. 

Or on the other hand, maybe I am just a person who is overthinking literally everything, because I have too much free time on my hands. We all know which one is right (laughing emojis). It’s true though. I think the ‘staying at home all day’ is making me extremely lazy. I’ll be honest, the fact that I’m not taking any other task or pursuing any other thing is because I think I’m liking this comfort now. Shit, we all know that our comfort zone is the place that our dreams die. And I don’t want that. 

Seems comfy right? I bet we won’t get up from this couch all day. Just like we our stuck in our comfort zones and not doing anything (disappointed face emoji)!

I’m crying because I’m so grateful for having family around me. I’m so lucky that I can share cute fun moments with them. All this reminds me of the happy family moments I had in quarantine (Read Part A and Part B right here). I feel blessed to have people who I can trust. But that’s the whole thing! What’s the point of life if I am unable to give back to the people I love so much. What if all I am is disappointment to the people I love? Will life even be worth it if I don’t make them proud? 

I’m filled with guilt and disappointment that I am unable to be the child my parents want me to be. Whether it be in the form of the career they want me to be in or a person they want me to be. According to them this is the age for me to mature and take up responsibility. And they aren’t completely wrong, it’s just that maybe I’m not ready. But when will I ever be right? This pill is extremely hard to swallow. 

Sometimes things happen and you are left questioning yourself – Was I even right about myself? Am I being delusional? Do I need to check myself? Has this situation occurred because I need to introspect? Answering these questions is crucial at this moment itself. Because if we don’t, these things pile up inside us and one day they explode. Sooner or later we have to deal with our emotions. So why not take it one day at a time. Sometimes bad things have to happen so that we can see and acknowledge the good in them. 

My mind on experiencing even a minor inconvenience (that light bulb in the center is the idea of a new blog in every struggle (laughing emojis))!

Also as we grow older, our relationships become more complex and even small disagreements feel like the end of the world. Because you can’t fight with the people you love and end up compromising with yourself. Just to realize a little later that you are not even happy with yourself. As the relationships get old, expectations rise and even a small blow to this wall feels like it’s gonna break everything. The guilt of not doing the best you can keeps piling up. Sometimes the anxiety rises to an extent where it translates into physical pain and unstoppable tears. 

But I paused when I saw myself going down that spiral again. The spiral of losing myself into overthinking and negative thoughts. I made myself realize that none of this makes sense now, but soon it will. Everything happens for a reason and if something is meant to be it will be. I have luckily made it through pretty bad moments and this is just one of them and I will make it through this time too.

Sometimes God is just testing us to see if our faith is affected in bad times or not. And today is one of those days for me where the cloud of guilt is over my head. But here I am looking at a photo of Lord shiva and sharing with him that he has raised a strong woman. My faith has and will stand strong. I won’t let myself fall and pass out in this game of life, because if God has put me to it, he will put me through it. 

This has been my lock screen since a long time, makes me feel safe and strong. 

And even if nothing changes, I got content out of it (laughing while crying emojis). I know this blog started at a funny note but ended up being a heavy one to digest. I want you to read this blog multiple times so that you can gather and remember the motivation I have shared.

Journal time: Today I want you to write about the moment where you strongly felt the guilt and disappointment within yourself. Once you write about that, I want you to read it and analyze if you can actually control those things or not. Are there any changes that you can make to avoid being the reason of disappointment, without losing your self respect of course?

Until next time, Adios Amigos.

If you spend a lot of time on tasks like writing, content creation, designing, and digital art, Let me help you save time. Let’s finish the work faster and in a more efficient manner. Click to see what you can expect- MY WORK!

Connect with me: nayankatyal@mindoomph.com

I have finally launched my NEWSLETTER, where you can now receive UPDATES ON MY NEW BLOGS via EMAIL. In addition, you will receive SUGGESTIONS AND LEARNINGS FROM NEW SELF HELP PODCASTS, PRODUCTIVITY BOOKS, and much more. Subscribe to be a part of the “MINDFUL Club.” ⬇️

Sign Up for the Newsletter! – MindOomph