Deep Reflections on the Impact of Death : A Life Unfinished

But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it’s just something we have no control over and that’s what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we’ll wake up and this will all just be a dream

Eminem (Song: Mocking Bird)

Today is the 7th death anniversary of my grandfather (Read the blog I dedicated to him HERE). When I sat for the yearly ritual pooja, it got me thinking. Death is inevitable, yet it is a concept that we can’t wrap our heads around. It’s something that we will never want, but it is something that will definitely happen. Some people experience it early, and some later. 

And the worst part is that we are rarely worried about our own deaths. It’s always the people we love that we are afraid to lose. Even when there is a distance between the people we love, we don’t feel that bad because we know that they are at least physically here. But someone not being here at all sucks. No matter how much we hated or loved them while they were here, when they are gone, it’s done. 

These are some of my favorite quotes about death!

I’m scared of death. A lot. Not my death, but the deaths of the people around me. The people I love with all my heart and for whom I can do anything and everything. I’m scared of how nothing would be the same; they won’t be here, and we will have to go on with our lives as if nothing ever happened. 

I experienced it the first time when I lost my grandfather and the second time, a few months ago, when my Nani passed away. Those days felt like the worst and lowest time of my life. Every minute felt like a decade, and the remorse and regret on everyone’s faces are unbearable. 

When my Nani passed away, I heard my mom say, “I didn’t come to see her often, and I hate myself for that.” And that made me realize that when I waste my time thinking about how I will handle losing my loved ones, I’m actually wasting time that I could spend with them. Because of this fear of death, I’m missing out on making memories that I will actually remember when they leave my side. 

Because no matter what, we will all have to face it someday. So no matter how much I prepare myself for it, I don’t know how I will react when that day actually comes. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to take it or not. 

A month after someone’s death is just denial. We still feel their presence. We can smell them and sense them. After a month, we start to gain back our senses, and that is when the sadness and remorse take over. Finally, we start to realize and feel their absence. We know that they are in a much less painful state and in a better place than they were here, but it’s difficult. It’s really difficult. 

And when months pass by without them, we start to feel the void that no work, money, or people can fill. It’s hard to comprehend because nothing changed except everything did. Their memories flood our minds day in and day out. Every day spent with them flashes in front of our eyes. 

And do you realize that we never miss the fights or arguments that we had with them. We always miss the laughs, the time we spent in their presence, and the love they had for us. I still wonder if they miss us as much as we do! Are they watching us from above? Do they even remember us? 

I heard in a scripture that the people who died only stay in heaven until we (the people who love them) remember them on earth. As soon as we forget them, their place in heaven starts to disappear too. So to you, who is reading this, if you have ever lost someone, I know how it feels. I know that some days you lock yourself in your room and cry your heart out. And some days you are brave and talk to their photos like they can hear you. 

I just want to remind you that they will always have your back. They are a star in the sky, and they will always watch you and bless you from above. I know it’s hard, but try not to forget them and make them proud. They will always want to see you happy and successful. They hate to see you cry. 

And please hold the ones around you close and tight. Tell your loved ones that you love them to death. Let’s not waste time thinking about and preparing for the time they won’t be around. Let’s just cherish each and every moment we have with them. Because it’s special. 

Every hug is special. Every photo, every argument, and every memory is and will always be special. Kyunki yahi baatein to baadme yaad ayengi! 

Journal time: If you have experienced the death of a person close to you, I know you have pain inside you. I want you to go back to that day (I know it’s the last thing you want to do) and think about how you felt. Try to write whatever you feel. Because once all those feelings are out of your system, you will feel much lighter. This will give you strength and more love for them. 

And don’t forget to remember them in your prayers! 

Until next time, Adios Amigos.

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