Help me, my God, this got messy
Least I got the best seat
‘Cause we put on one hell of a show
Ellie Goulding (Song: Slow grenade)
Wow, I didn’t think I would have to start like this. But these are some feelings we come across day to day so why not bitch about them (shameless laughter). I was a genuinely jealous person. I know that’s nothing to be proud of but I’m sometimes too rude or mean to handle. But I’m on my way to improve myself. I don’t know if you can relate but I used to feel really bad and disappointed when someone would do better than me.
But then I grew up (coz duh I had no other option, sorry for the lame joke) and came to terms with the fact that we can never be at the top. There will always be someone better than me and even if someone isn’t, God is above us. This helps me ground myself. (Although I’m very uncertain about the fact of me achieving anything).
So, yesterday was one such day. I got the news from my cousin sister that she had passed her interview and got an internship. I was happy for her, I mean I am happy, she is my sister. But the jealous competitor inside me is not very excited about it.
We both are from very different streams, but apparently her stream is a well paid one and mine isn’t. Technically the fact that she will start earning now (she is just an year elder than me.. Damn she’s adulting) should not bother me, coz both of us are doing what we love. Or should I be concerned? I don’t know.
Right now I am getting signals from both sides of my brains. We all know the Angel and the Devil (Tom and Jerry reference waddup). The Angel says “Nayan, she is your sister, you should be proud of her and instead of being jealous you should be inspired by her and work harder.” Although this is what I believe 95% (ehh, I’m a human, the rest 5% is the devil).
I wanted to Jerry but turned out to be Tom
But the Devil is like a ringing bell that doesn’t stop. It is so alarming that I’m never able to ignore it. This actually helps me to see both sides of me, the good and the bad. The Devil says “Come on Nayan, you are in the wrong field. She is ahead of you again. You are just a burden to your family. She is earning and you are not bringing a penny home. (Yes it’s gets this worse at times, almost all the times actually). You have to do something to prove to everyone that you are way better than her. ” (Yes, with that same hoarse and disgusting and loud voice that you just read it with.. (Winky face) , Gotchaa and yo I’m talking about the voice of the devil…You, my friend are a princess or a prince)
The moment I get these thoughts I just remind myself that this is toxic thinking and I don’t wanna be that person. (Soo hail for the Angel and f*ck the Devil .. No no just kidding (laughing emojis inserted)). So like a normal person, I let these feelings slide off coz ain’t nobody got the time to be unhealthy.
But I promise, I’m changing and I have changed (proud of myself, pat on the back). I’m trying to love my people to the fullest, without being jealous of them or thinking that I need to be better than them all the time.
Making myself more confident about myself (well helloooo, tongue twister) has actually been the key for it. Just think about it, if the person you compare to your life is happy, you yourself are not as miserable as you think. It just takes one thought of gratefulness to remind you of all the amazing things you have in life. You are just one Thank You away from happiness. (Wow I could be a preacher (laughing emojis))
What if they wear sunglasses?
I should tell you though, all this motivational stuff that I just spoke (technically wrote) is a result of years of experiences and tons of lectures… Just kidding it’s Instagram and Pinterest that I have been scrolling for a long time. So don’t mind me please!! (Haha) and let me know whenever that gets boring, I’m gonna shut my mouth and we can play some Ellie Goulding and fall in love!! I’m kiddingggg (not really, *plays love me like you do in the background*)
Until next time, Adiós amigos.
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