Slow it down, think you gettin’ a little carried away
You’re too close to the flame
But you don’t wanna turn around
Post Malone (Song: Staring at the sun)
For anyone who wants to follow this routine – (Essentials)I wake up. DONOT look at the clock. CRY. Look at how cute you look while crying. Put on some sad music. Cry some more. Sleep coz you need stamina to cry more. Then wake up like nothing happened. Cry some more. Sleep. These emotional days are not exhausting at all (single line smile emoji)!
Just kidding bro. I know that everyone goes through emotional roller coasters like these but I hope no one goes through emotional roller coasters like these (heart emojis). But you know what, rivers flowing through our eyes, isn’t it freaking creative (laughing emojis)? I admit it’s really painful the next morning and we waste a lot of makeup to hide those swollen eyes, but it’s fine. At least we got all the anger out. Right?
And IDK if I am the only one who has this tradition of crying two days in a row. Like the first day will be hardcore rainfall and the next day, a little drizzling. Like we wait for the last drop of pee, which makes us feel like we aren’t done yet, yup just like that. I let out every tear my body has made.
My body’s motto on emotional days!
So, I had one of these days recently. No matter what I did, the tears weren’t stopping. I went to the bathroom to control my emotions, tried to let it all out, but OFC I had a constraint to not spend too much time inside because my Indian Parents might question. And if by any chance they got to know that I was crying, their first question won’t be “what happened, are you alright?”, It will rather be “Now what happened, you did something wrong again? what did you mess up now?” Not knowing that sometimes they might be the reason.
I don’t want these blogs to be a hate trail for Indian parents, but sometimes their unreasonably high expectations, really fuck me up. For instance, no matter how great you think you are doing, and you fail at just one thing, it becomes an issue! I just finished my masters & since then I’ve been working my ass off in making this website. Mind you I don’t smoke, I don’t go out to party, I don’t meet my friends without permission, BUT managing everything, my sleep schedule got fucked up. That too only since 10 days! And today the whole day I had to listen to a lecture of how irresponsible I am & how I’m destroying myself.
Sometimes I just feel the need to question their expectations. Can’t they understand that every person is different, their habits, their sleep schedules, their passions everything – CAN BE DIFFERENT. Why do they have the mentality of ‘One size fits all’? Today I am realizing that I was so blinded in chasing their expectations that I forgot to stop & notice. Notice that I have achieved what I once wanted. It might not be much for them, but it is for me. I am the person I wanted to be for so long. It might not be what they expected, but It’s Ok. I am OK with not being just my parent’s kid.
Often we forget to stop & appreciate how far we have come, just because it’s not the epitome of success that we always wanted to reach. But, trust me, just Stop, and for a second think about how proud your 15 year old self would be, when he/ she sees where you are today and most importantly who you are today.
Click on the image for the full video
I want to ask you something but you have to promise me that whatever you say will be nothing but the truth. Swear on whatever holy scripture you believe in. I’m waiting (Smirk emojis).
Journal Time: Now ask yourself, Are you happy in this moment, right now? How long has it been since you praised yourself? How often do you fall into the trap of reaching others’ expectations? I don’t know, just be honest. Let’s face it, we all know our own truth. You can lie to me but not to yourself. The end of this blog is the perfect time to find the answers. Happy figuring Out!
I started writing this while I was crying & now I’ve stopped, Thanks for listening to my emotional banter bestie (sob emoji). You are the real one.
Read EMOTIONAL DAYS Part-2 right here.
Until Next time Adios amigos!
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Connect with me: nayankatyal@mindoomph.com
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Loved your blog nayan; It was quite relatable.
Thank you!